fancy feet.

Natural charisma and charms aside, making money in ny has not been easy for ya girl. As most of you know, I moved up here in June with a few dollars saved from slavin’ and dreams of a better (or at least more exciting) life. Well, be careful what you wish for.

Those few saved dollars evaporated by the end of the summer despite my phD in penny pinching, so with few other immediate options for proper work in sight, I set out hustlin’.

I’ve worked on a steamboat (the oldest in the U.S.), interviewed with dungeons (most notably, the dungeon of mistress Jasmine (, done some nude life modeling, handed out flyers, scouted out restrooms with baby changing stations in BK for 5$ a pop and more, mostly for peanuts.

I discovered my most glorious and lucrative hustle when I began my work with Harry the Footman.

I responded to an ad in the Gigs section on craigslist looking for ladies with large feet, the bigger the feet, the better the pay. Naturally, I gave it a go.

A few hours later I received an email:

Hi guys, here’s my standard informational e-mail. It’s a bit long but I like to spell everything out upfront. This is actually an extremely easy gig requiring that you just sit around for 15 minutes. Take a look and let me know if you want to sit for me; thanks either way.

I am not a professional photographer — the video segment is for my personal portfolio. The video shoot would be done in a public place, and that is how we would meet as well — in public.

We would meet, you would put your bare feet up and cross your ankles, and I would sit below you and videotape you (with the soles of your feet in the foreground) for 15 minutes while you hang out, talk on your cellphone, whatever. I shoot the segments pretty discreetly, I even put a booklet over my camcorder so the gig does not draw much attention.

It’s the soles of your feet that are photographed, so the condition of them is what’s important, rather than the tops of your feet, which are not in the filming at all. They should be smooth without callouses, corns, bunions or dead skin.

After 15 minutes (my camcorder has a timer so I know when the time is up), I would stop shooting video, pay you $80 (unless you are definitely size 11+, which is $120) and we would each go on our way. You would wear casual clothes — no special outfits, etc. No skirts or short dresses because you have your feet up.

If this sounds like an interesting gig for you, let me know and we will arrange to meet up sometime. As you can see, it requires virtually nothing of you, and is of brief duration. I am a very mellow and lowkey person, so the shoots are usually pretty easy affairs. Whether you are interested or not, thanks for your inquiry! (If I don’t hear back from you I will assume you are giving it a pass, and I will not contact you further.)

Good enough. So i meet up with him the next day, prop up my tootsies. The shoot is over before I can even crack my Love & Rockets open good and i’m beaming down the platform fingering the 6 crisp twenties lining my pocket.

I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with my feet growing up. I grew quite a bit in a short amount of time and having long thin feet (and ne’er any cash) prohibited me from ever wearing any “girl” shoes. Plus, I always grew up in the country where large feet on women always seemed a cause for derision and embarassment.

After our second shoot, Harry sent me an email:

It was so nice to see you again.

Also, it’s no exaggeration to say that your feet are essentially
perfect — absolutely flawless in their beauty. I’ve done this quite
a lot and i can only think of one or two models whose feet are as
beautiful as yours, none whose feet are more beautiful. So I
appreciate it that you’re willing to sit for me.

Another billfold.

He only shoots models three times and my last date was approaching fast but not fast enough as I October found me broker than a broke dick dog. We arranged the date, and despite the cold, I scammed my metrocard-less ass down to the park for our coup de gras. To my dismay, when I arrived to the rendezvous point, my soles were totally filthy from walking around my house (crust crust crust) and lily white with ash. I sank behind my comic and ruminated on the less than glorious end of my up and coming foot fetish stardom.

Surprisingly, the next day I received an email:
I am so lucky that you responded to my message. Of course you’re very
pretty, have a sweet and gentle face, and are very easy to work with.
But those feet! They are, in a word, perfect. So long, so
beautifully shaped! As a guy who thinks feet are cute, if i was asked
to design the perfect feet, i don’t think i could make feet as pretty
and attractive as yours actually are.

I guarantee that if you go to Bryant Park on a lovely late spring day
and put your feet up like that you will soon attract an audience of

I know this is just a gig for the models, and i’m sorry to go on like
this, but you really are magnificent!

Thanks for working with me. These segments are magical.

Wow, this fella loves feet! Amazingly enough, Harry’s praise of my feet inspired an entirely new acceptance and appreciation of them. I’m working on the rest


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